Monkey Gone To Heaven

Consonant Reader,

Please don't be sad. But get a pack of tissues anyway. Things are going to change around here.

You see, I've come to the realisation that two heads are better than one. Lets just see this proved via a quick list;

- Eric and Ernie
- Mills and Boon
- Fish and chips
- G & T
- Tango and Cash

.. to name a few of the great double acts that have existed and entertained miwyons of people the world over.

It is here, that we leave Bonobo Love as it stands. Its time for pastures new. Its time to do the proverbial one.

So, in conjunction with my lovely man Meester Crumb, we have decided to get married and have a baby, called The Mighty Love.

Its the new website where you can now get two for the price of one and enjoy all the usual twatty banter and inane chatter; but now from us both.

Fiends, nomads and countryhens, its been a blast.. Lets carry on this party with this new site...

From me, Mr. B, its goodnight now. I'm turning off the lights and not bothering to clean up. I know its all rather sudden, but its much better to fade out than burn some hay..*sniff*

See you all on the other side! ..We hope you enjoy it.

*breaks down in floods of big tears, shuts the door to the monkey house..*

B x.

Mordor Helpine: 0800 NEED A RING

Consonant Reader,

I, along with my man with arms Meester Crumb have done something amazing.

We've achieved something that you lesser mortals would envy at and wish in your wildest dreams you could do yo'self.

We've taken that final step into a wider world and experienced the greater things in life, have trodden the unexplored paths which aren't paths really because no-ones really trodden them, shit bad sentence there..

We've run an emotional marathon, and ran to the end and said "Yes! Oh lord yes! We have made this our own conquest! Praise Be! Lordy lord!"

Why?

...On Saturday, myself, Crumb and my dad watched all 3 extended versions of The Lord Of The Rings back to back.

We started at 11am, finished around 12 midnight.

Bear in mind, during the watching of any films, people have to; go to the toilet, eat, drink, fuck up the DVD player so it won't show a picture (although this was just Crumbs fault), and go out to get chinese food.

All in all, it took bloody ages to watch. Remember, with these extended versions, each film is split into two DVD discs. Therefore when the first disc feels like you've been sat long enough to start feeling stubble when you'd only just shaved after putting it on, it does scare you somewhat to think "There are 5 more of these bad boys left.." .

However, watching all of them, exactly how they were meant to be shown has really opened up my eyes as to the true message of the films' purpose. Yes, it was always going to be difficult to put all of the points in the book across in the film, but by god, Peter Jackson has done a decent job here.

The summer before the first film came out, I made a point of reading "The Hobbit" and "The Lord Of The Rings" back to back, and really did go there and back again with Sam and Frodo, so I did understand the parts where the cinematic versions missed out on for one reason or another.

I really did feel as though I understood a hell of a lot more about the films after seeing the extended versions this time around.. Everything made sense and.. well, surprisingly, the last two films went by a lot quicker than the first one.

Crumb, my dad and myself survived the ordeal on a diet of diet coke, beer (naturally), carrots, celery, tomatoes, pork pies, sausage rolls, trifles, mango juice and, as I say, a bit of chow mein. We didn't starve I can assure you.

It was a trial, but one definitely worth doing. At the very very end it felt as though you'd watched one long bloody film. And it did feel satisfying, beleive me..

If you have the extended trilogy, watch them in this manner, please, you'll get a lot more out of it, plus, its a great excuse for staying at home and eating loads and drinking a bit too.

Eat drink and be merry or pippin..

(Insert another Lord of the Rings related jokes in comment box..)



Above: The One Ring, yesterday.
B x

Short Crap 9 day Holiday Post

Consonant reader,

My half term starts from 3.30 tomorrow afternoon...and thank the lord for it.

Ladies and germs, it's quite clearly Miller time.

*sound of a party popper being let off one day early*

B x.

Very Enjoyable Night No. 478

Consonant Reader,

I spent Friday night in my handy local pub with my brother in arms, Mr. Crumb. Firstly, the pub itself.. Anyone looking at it from the outside may look at it in disdain and not give it a second glance. No flashy signs, drinks promotions, the paintwork all over whitewashed with a simple red sign: The Brunswick. Could this pub be any good? Yes. Should you take my word for it? Hell yes. Read my lips.. Anyone worth their salt and who knows where its at; knows the cool crew inside out; is down with it; is '4 real ya'll'- knows that The Brunswick is the place to be.. ..Did I just say all that? Ah.

Perhaps I should retract some of those statements on the basis of their naffness. I'll then carry on telling you about this place without trying to big it up any further.. So you walk in through double doors into a lower level, down some stairs and into the main 'pub' area. Jukebox, DJ spot on your left, raised chairs and tables further on, a bar in the middle of the pub (Well- fancy that!) and more seats on the right. The back of the pub sports even more chairs, a pool table and a part time stage for occassional bands.

When I was a student in the late 90's in Gloucester, even though I lived on the opposite side of the city, I still went to this pub and treated it as my local. And now its only a stones throw away, which is just bloody maaarvellous. I loved it then and I love it now. Its nice to know that some things in life will always remain the way when you last left them.

This Friday night, Crumb had come up from Bristol for us to have a few bevvies together, chew the fat so to speak. Having stopped off at another wonderful pub that I'll have to take you to some other time whilst getting tanked on some 7% alcohol scrumpy cider (When in Rome..) we made our way back to the Brunswick. Got in, got drinks and noticed a band were all set up on the make shift stage.

This is what I love about this pub; its very cool without overtly trying to be cool. Whilst waiting for the live act to kick in, Crumb and I started talking about music. Now, we've been here before.. Crumb and I, a few months back were in the same pub and started talking about music. At the time we made a comment about the Stereophonic's 'Bartender & the thief', a fine piece of radio friendly rock. 5 mniutes later the bastard track was playing in the background.

This Friday night, we started discussing music again and soon enough, it began to play. As if some magical musical god was looking down at us and told us we could have our songs come true on the jukebox. (Alcohol has erased the memory of the particular song, Crumb noted it on his phone, but I couldn't tell you even if my life depended on it..)

But that wasn't the best of it.

The band came on. Drums. Guitar. Double bass. They were a mad jazz- shuffle- outfit from the Forest Of Dean, so they were very lively. The songs they played were ace, (I know that after a few King Lears any music sounds like it was recorded in heaven but these guys were good) Their agent (A very interesting man who seemed extremely keen to promote music of all kinds in the Gloucestershire area) was handing out promo CDs of them to which Crumb and I were keen to take home. They did a cover of 'Lovin' You' and 'I'm too Sexy'. It was hilarious.

And then we left, said goodbye to the band and left under the influence. The night had flown by, damnit! Once home, Crumb collapsed in a heap and stayed that way until 12 o'clock the next day whilst I stayed up as I usually do for a further 2 hours or so, restless.

I do so love Fridays.


Oh, and the band's name? PURE EVIL. Check them out;


Pure Evil- 'Mammy' 

B x.

Anakin Speaks Out

Hi, I'm Anakin Skywalker.


You may have heard of me in films such as "Star Wars: Episode 1- The Phantom Menace", "Star Wars: Episode 2- Attack of the Clones", "Babysitter Blues", "The Day the toaster broke", "Always 2" and most recently the as-yet- unreleased "Star Wars: Episode 3- Return of Old Seth".


The Emmerdale based storyline in the third film differs greatly from the thread of the previous two. However, my character, as you will see journeys through a dark and tempting path with Old Seth leading him on to his ultimate, terrifying destiny. Imagine sheep instead of droids and walking sticks for lightsabers. Thats the general feel of the story in this third installment.


I have every much enjoyed working with all of the Emmerdale crew during the last few months, and it has been a welcome change from acting on a 'blue- screen' set where I would have to have imagined where all of the fighting was taking place. Now, I just do my bit either in a pub or a field, working alongside proper actors and not some CGI creation I'll only see when the films released! Grr!


Here, based in the Woolpack, with a few pints of old stout with all of the other C- list actors, and the charms of the Yorskhire countryside its not surprising to see how I've left the call and lure of glitzy Hollywood behind me now. Now I feel really at home and have calmed down an awful lot, mostly because I'm pissed half the time! Cheers!  

And they call it; puppy luuurve..

Consonant reader,

*There he is...*

*Look!*

*He's coming!*

*FOOTSTEPS TRAIL OFF AMID GIRLY GIGGLES from down the corridor outside my room*

I open my door quickly, interupted from my lunchtime duty of blog stalking using the school network. There's no-one there.

Pah, it's HER again..

I have been told that a year 10 girl is kind of fond of me at the moment. Over the past few weeks other year 10's have been passing on comments on how much this girl likes me. Its now common knowledge this is the case.

Every now and then during break or lunch time I think I can see my door open just a tad and I see a glimpse of this besotted girl; but only a glimpse.

This lunchtime I was in another room, she tracked me down and came into the room only to go back out again. Again, I only saw a girly blur. When I walked to the door she had scarpered.

Aw... shy.

Then, last period today I had my year 10's again. They sat down, I began the lesson, and then noticed on my desk an envelope addressed to me in red writing. The envelope looked a bit grubby. I asked who had left it here and finally someone owned up to leaving it there on behalf of this girl.

Ohh no..

"Open it!" I heard. "What's she put in it?" were other comments.

I told the class to calm down and that it was none of their business. The lesson continued and soon ended.

After the din had died down I opened up the letter. Dread filled my stomach. She's confessed her love for me I thought. Unfortunately I was totally right.

A card with a pink bear on holding a card and a bottle of champagne, birds flying with hearts in their mouths. A love- fest on paper. Oh good..

Inside it read:

To Mr. Love

With hugs and kisses especially for you

From Girl XXXXXX

Happy valentine

I HEART you!

you have a nice bum!

Hmm. Worrying. I may have to use some sort of aversion therapy here. This HAS to and WILL stop!

I've told my head of department about it, even showed him the actual card, who in turn has told everyone else in my department. He said this sort of thing does happen and to just ignore it as best you can.

I then had a meeting after school with my head of department and other senior teaching staff. As I walked in they were all judging the quality of my rear. Bastards.

B x.